The Big Pharaoh
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Thursday, June 17, 2004

I Interviewed Ronald Reagan

Yesterday when I was on my bed trying to fall asleep, I felt that my spirit left my body and kept transcending upwards towards heaven. My spirit kept ascending until I reached a golden gate. I met an angel who told me that I reached heaven and he told me that I have about 1 hour to have a sightseeing tour before going back to my body.

"Who do you like to meet?" the angel asked.

"I want to meet your new resident President Ronald Reagan" I answered.

"OK you have just 40 minutes with the man" he said.

I took a golden notepad from the angel to write down some notes from my interview with Reagan. The angel guided me to Bel Air mansion on the river of life. I entered the mansion and saw a 30 something man who introduced himself as President Ronald Reagan.

Q: Hello Mr. President, how do you find heaven? You surely look much younger and in perfect health.

RR: Heaven is wonderful. I was tormented down there. I was like a vegetable at the end of my life. Today I went to God and he showed me all what I have missed on a huge screen. I was so touched when I saw my dear friend Margaret Thatcher buy this special black dress 2 years ago just to attend my funeral.

Q: Well Mr. President, I know you have a lot to say about heaven but let me bring you back to earth. I know it is much better here but I would like to ask you a few questions about what is happening on earth.

RR: Go ahead. I saw everything on this huge screen. Now I know all what happened ever since I lost my brain.

Q: Let me start with President George W Bush. Some people say that he will carry your mantle and that there is a lot in common between you.

RR: Well, Ronald Reagan is not George Bush and George Bush is not Ronald Reagan. However, I do believe that there are some striking similarities between my time and his, but there are also differences. For example, we are both not afraid to name the enemy and call it by its true name "evil". People laughed when I called the Soviet Union the "evil empire", I laughed at them when the Berlin wall fell. I advice Bush not to relent and to continue his awesome perseverance in the face of those who want to pull him down. Another similarity is the European hate. When I went to Rome or Paris, I was always welcomed by massive protests that labeled me as "warmonger" and "dangerous". The European left and pacifists hated me for my clear vision and "black and white" world. I urge Bush not to heed to their voices. I hope he too will laugh at them at the end.
Q: So, you're saying that you both have the same enemy and he should behave in the same persistent way?

RR: Yes, I faced a similar enemy but poor Bush, he faces a much more dangerous enemy. Let me explain. The soviets invaded Afghanistan at the end of the Carter days. I saw their move as a dangerous move aimed at spreading their ideology. However, at the end of the day, the Russian soldier yearned for the day when he will return home safely for his wife and children. Our enemy today loves to kill us more than he loves life. He is ready to use any method to destroy as much as possible. During my days we were concerned that nuclear weapons might destroy the civilized world. Today, the enemy is using box cutters and commercial airplanes to kill thousands in few minutes.

Q: What other similarities you find?

RR: There are similarities that are not good. For example, my hands off approach lead to the Iran-Contra scandal. Bush's hands off management lead to the Abu Ghraib scandal.

Q: OK and differences?

RR: I am the great communicator, Bush is the great divider. My uttermost critics never really hated me. Today, you either love or hate Bush, there is no middle ground.

Q: Now we turn to the war in Iraq. What are your thoughts?

I believe that Iraq is Bush's Berlin Wall. At the beginning of my presidency, I was harsh and tough on communist tyranny. I was ready to use force at anytime and look at my enemy in the eye. The pacifists in Berkley and in Paris didn't like it. They would have preferred appeasement. If I hadn't done what I did, Eastern European leaders wouldn't have attended my funeral. When the Berlin Wall fell, I had my laugh. If Iraq becomes a decent country, I am not saying it should be Norway or Sweden, just a decent country based upon rotation of power, Bush will definitely have the last laugh. The thing I love about Bush is his belief that no human being on earth is not worthy of freedom and democracy.

However, I have to add a negative note here. The US' fatal mistakes after the war were unforgivable. I fully understand that there were uncontrollable factors such as the suicide bombings and Al-Jazerah, but I am so upset because our mistakes were avoidable. First, Bush had no post-war plan whatsoever. Second, the US allowed the liberation to turn into occupation. On April 9, 2003 the majority of Iraqis welcomed us as liberators. We provided no "roadmap" for our invasion and dissolved Iraq's military that we could have bought with money. Under pressure, we appointed a governing council and appointed an American proconsul who did all the governing for them. In fact, the first person to name as "occupiers" was the Saudi crown prince Abdullah. Unfortunately, we listened to him and pushed the UN to legitimize our occupation. Most of Iraqis didn't think we were occupiers back then. The majority today think we are.

Q: So you think the US will not succeed in Iraq?

RR: No, I didn't say that. I believe that we will win; however, I am just too upset from the damage caused by the US' avoidable mistakes. Listen, the situation in Iraq reminds me of Lebanon. In Lebanon, I was no naive and didn't understand the region and depended upon the "advice" of a government that was itself part of the civil war. In addition, I will never forget what I read about what the Lebanese did when they knew that the Marines would land in Lebanon. A sense of optimism swept through Lebanon. People started believing that we will help the country reach a solution to their civil war. Lebanese exiles started returning to Lebanon when the Marines landed because they thought they will do good business after we solve the problem. The Lebanese people put so much hope in us See, people outside America think we can do anything and save anyone. If we reached the moon and today Mars, can't we end a civil war and pull a country out of poverty? I partially blame Hollywood for that. Our movie heroes always win when they kill all the bad guys at the end. That's the thinking out there. Just like the Lebanese, the Iraqis trusted us and dreamed of the good days that will follow our arrival. The Wahabi terrorists, the Sadamists, Al-Jazerah, Arab mistrust of everything American, and our avoidable mistakes shattered this hope. Now we are part of the problem and not the solution. I hope and pray that we will turn into a part of the solution when Iraqis get true real unlimited sovereignty. I hope Iraqis will know who the real enemy is.

Q: Who would you vote for if you were on earth, Bush or Kerry?

RR: With what Kerry said back in 1971 "we cannot fight communism all over the world", with his extreme liberal nature, and with the type of enemy you are facing today, I think we cannot afford losing Bush.

Q: If Bush won, what would you advice him to do?

RR: After settling Iraq, turn eastwards. Place as much pressure as possible on the Iranian regime until it cracks up and the Iranian people will rise up and overthrow their government. If Iran became free, Bush can join me in the Lincoln-Wilson-Roosevelt-Reagan club. And for God's sake, why are Poland's young people, whose parents I helped to liberate, paying $100 to get a US student visa? I was furious when I saw that on the huge screen. Those people are one of the very few on earth who love us with both their hearts and minds. I helped in shaping their heart, why is the State Department shattering it today? If the Poles find it expensive to go to America, they will go to France and Germany instead and soak the poisonous anti-Americanism there.


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