The Big Pharaoh
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Thursday, July 14, 2005

The Idiot's Guide to a Better World

The world would be a much better place if:

Muslims heed the following:

- The so-called Shariah law or Islamic law is a set of laws that were promulgated hundreds upon hundreds of years ago. We simply cannot live by a lot of these laws today. Such laws were for specific people who lived in a specific time. Without changing the basic tenets of Islam, Islamic law should be reformed so that it suits the year 2005 and not 1005.

- Killing innocents in the name of Islam is wrong. No buts, no ifs, no ummms.

- Allah does not give a dead rat's ass about a girl's hair. If you're sexually excited when you see a girl's hairs then you're the sick pervert. Hijab is not a fard (obligation). It does not add or decrease the "good points" that a girl gets when she makes it to heaven. Perceived verses about women's covering were for the women of the year 620 AD. I assure you they were living in a very, and I mean very, different environment than the women of today. To sum up, Allah is not as dumb as to care about a piece of cloth on a girl's head.

- The funny creatures called non-Muslims living in Muslim dominated countries are to have equal right. Their rights should not come from the Quran, the Bible, or the Buddha Book. They should come from the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.

- Muslims who convert out of Islam to become whatever they want to become should not get killed. They also have the right to make their decision public even in downtown Riyadh.

- Authors have the right to express their opinions freely even if they wrote books that would make Salman Rushdie look like a pious Muslim. They should not get arrested and they should definitely not get killed. Writers are free to criticize the Christian faith in the West; the same should be with Islam's Voltaires.

- A Muslim is a Muslim in his house, among his kids, and in his mosque and NOT on the streets. A Muslim should not force his own interpretation of religion on others. The idea that Islam is a religion and a state should be dumped in one of New York's garbage dumps. In the year 2005, in the age of Bill Gates and invading Mars, there is nothing called a state that is based upon a religion. All religions in the state should be respected and all should live and let live.

- Israel is not going anywhere so live with it. Accepting that fact would make you feel better.

Christians heed the following:

- God does not give a dead rat's ass about those zillion denominations. A Christian can have communion in any church he bumps into. Any priest/pastor/bishop/etc who refuses a person because of his denomination should get kicked out of church.

- The teachings of Jesus are enough. In fact, the world would be paradise if all humans actually managed to do everything that Jesus said. So no need for the zillion so called teachings of "church founders", "saints", etc.

- The orthodox and catholic church should allow divorce. The sight of Egyptian orthodox women filling up psychiatrist clinics because they find it hard living with their husbands is not cool at all.

- There is nothing, and I mean nothing, in the Bible that says "Thou shall not use condoms". Are you reading this blog pope?

- Confessions in the catholic and orthodox churched should be abolished. A priest is just as human as you are. The idea that he has more power or authority than you is nonsense. You can enter a seminary, live for some years in a monastery, and surprise you become a priest!

- There is nothing wrong with women preaching, period. A female bishop is just as good as a male bishop. If a woman can rule a country then she can definitely work in a church.

Jews heed the following:

- Hasidic and ultra-orthodox Jews are not necessary the best Jews around. All Jews who follow the basic tenants of Judaism are as good. Wearing black hats all day and adopting harsh kosher laws won't earn you any points. God, ops I mean G-d, looks at the heart, besides, he cares more than your clothes or your dietary habits.

- Saturday is for G-d. If you're not planning to go to the synagogue or you're not planning to spend some time with G-d at home, then go to work and make yourself useful.

- Gaza and the entire West Bank belong to the Palestinians, period. All Israelis living in Gaza and the West Bank should move to Tel Aviv and Ascalon. The idea that this land belongs to the Jews is nonsense. What would you do with the millions of Palestinians there, pray 24/7 that they vanish? Those Jews who believe that all settlers must go are NOT less Jewish than the others.

- The Haram al-Sharif or the Temple Mount is a Muslim area, period. Even if you believe that it's the holiest site in Judaism, that won't really change anything. The Temple Mount belongs to the Palestinians and the Western Wall belongs to the Jews. Jerusalem should be shared. What is Muslim and Christian is Palestinian and what is Jewish is Israeli. Where did I get this from? From the Bill Clinton plan, the best solution so far.


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