The Big Pharaoh
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Monday, February 27, 2006

Bill O'Reilly Throws in The Towel

It appears the Bill O'Reilly has thrown in the towel of Iraq. During the February 20 broadcast of his nationally syndicated radio show, Bill O'Reilly suggested that the United States "hand over everything to the Iraqis as fast as humanly possible" because "[t]here are so many nuts in the country -- so many crazies -- that we can't control them." O'Reilly then claimed that the "big mistake" was actually "the crazy-people underestimation."

Ladies and gentlemen, if Bill O'Reilly has thrown in the towel then we have to presume that Iraq is getting pretty desperate. I have a way out though:

1. Withdraw all US and coalition troops to Kurdistan in the north. Declare the creation of the state of Kurdistan.

2. Turkey will go nuts and remind the US that it has betrayed US-Turkish relations. Remind Turkey that Turks are one of the most anti-American people in the world and a single Kurd is more pro-US than a 70 year old stars and stripes banner waving farmer in rural Oklahoma.

3. Support rebel movements in Iran. Arabs, Baluchis, Kurds, all these hate the Mullahs. Finance them. Drop weapons from the air. Keep the Mullahs busy so they won't occupy South Iraq and swallow it (along with its oil fields). The Iranian people will not be happy with the US creating internal trouble in Iran? Well, with all my due respect to the Iranian people, the world can't wait any longer until they start a second revolution to overthrow the Mullahs.

4. Take the 3 brothers of Iraq The Model, Zeyad, and the other bloggers out of Iraq and into the US or Kurdistan. If they refused, sedate them, put them in a bag, and transport them. Don't forget their families though.

5. Release Saddam Hussein and issue an apology letter to the great tamer of Iraq.

6. Bring lots of beer, pizza, and enjoy the civil war waging down there.

My word to Mr. O'Rielly: sir, Iraq is not the only country that has crazies. We have crazies here to. So please, if you have access to the Bush administration, just beg the president to halt his "democracy crusade" a little. Just ask him to pause a little and ponder if there is any other possible way to develop the greater Middle East besides slamming a ballot box in our faces. Ummm, just tell him that you can't have elections while crazies are anticipated to be the biggest victors. There must be some other way. If not, ask him to sedate me, put me in a bag, and transport me to a place where I won't find those crazies.

(/above post written out of anger)


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